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Caretaker, Grief

May 14, 2024

Motherless musings: Walking through life without her guidance.

Last weekend was Mother’s Day and I wanted to share some words I wrote a few years ago. This photo is one that stops me in my tracks. In Mom’s death bed, with her as she takes her last breaths. An earth-shatteringly hard experience, but I wouldn’t have been anywhere else. You are changed once you become motherless, regardless of what that relationship may have held. A fellow traveler who will constantly wonder what the wisdom and guidance of a woman gone before her would be. I’d like to give some advice to my friends with mamas still on this earth.. Love them as well as you are able. Ask them questions about their early adulthood and beyond. What would they change, keep the same? Medial information. Family history. All of it! The wisdom that they carry is invaluable and you will miss it when it is gone. Ashes to ashes. But a breath.

A friend asked me on Mother’s Day how I was doing and I appreciated the acknowledgement of her motherless friend. My response shocked me as I told her that I was now 5 years post my mothers departure from this earth. I am able to compartmentalize the pain a bit more. No clue if it from all of the therapy or the years rolling by, but I do know that it gets easier. The pain lessens through the days that inevitably pass. Each day on this earth is a gift. Even with the pain and uncertainty, there is beauty. Look for it.

Make a goal to take a short walk this week, friends. And stay off of the news as much as you are able. 😉

The What If 


These days as a mother without a mother seem to slowly move forward.
I find myself wondering what my life would be like with my biggest cheerleader still on this earth.
Would I be braver?
Care less about what others think?
I know that my security lies in who God says I am.
I know that I am seen, loved, chosen, and adored.
Yet, I struggle with how my mother was taken from me.
With a horrid disease that slowly killed her.
Memory by memory, one body function at a time.
Alzheimer’s is a silent thief.
My sadness lies with the thoughts of the “what ifs”.
The grief seems to never end because my memories move on.
Without her.

-Tarah Harl

  1. Diana Flegal says:

    Oh, Tarah, that last line, my memories move on without her… That is truly how it is and I HATE that for you and for me and all others that lost a good and loving mother!

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